The 10 worst films of 2011. By Simon Miraudo.
We’ve spent the last couple of weeks celebrating all-things-cinematically-awesome from 2011, reflecting on the most impressive Aussie films, as well as the 20 finest male and female performances. Very soon, we’ll unveil the absolute cream of the crop and highlight the 10 best motion pictures of the past 12 months. But, as all discerning moviegoers know, sorting the wheat from the chaff can be an arduous task. Basically: we saw a lot of sucky movies this year too.
Yes, we enjoyed the hilariously raunchy Bridesmaids, but it was released amidst an endless supply of brutally-unfunny pics that seemed intent on killing comedy once and for all (Jack and Jill and Your Highness among the worst offenders). Acclaimed filmmakers such as Steven Spielberg, Kenneth Branagh, Martin Scorsese and even Werner Herzog decided to jump on the super-annoying 3-D bandwagon, yet despite their films’ quality, we were left squinting through the glasses just to make out what was going on (you can imagine how our stomachs lurched during the far more incompetently realised flicks Green Lantern, Pirates of the Caribbean 4 etc.). Audiences were “treated” to more sequels, threequels, prequels, reboots, and spin-offs than in any year previous. And if none of this was evidence enough of a worrying period in film: 2011 saw Pixar release their first bad movie. Things got dark.
But there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and it won’t be long before we’ll celebrate the pictures that illuminated and enriched our lives this year. To fully appreciate them, let’s briefly wallow at the bottom of the barrel, and look at the 10 worst films of 2011. All excerpts are taken directly from the pictures’ corresponding reviews, because, well, I couldn’t bring myself to write about them again.
Dishonourable mentions: Anonymous, Babies, Cars 2, Faster, Fast and Furious Five, I Am Number Four, Insidious, Jack and Jill, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Your Highness.
10. Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon
“NB: the very first shot after the movie’s title appears on the screen is of Huntington-Whiteley’s posterior. Come on Michael; at least pretend you hired her for her acting talent.” Read full review.
“Thank goodness emerald green is such a pleasant colour to look at. Had our hero been called the Sinopia Sunlight or the Rusty Blowtorch, then we would have been forced to endure this terrible screenplay (full of painfully literal dialogue and endless exposition), some wildly misjudged acting choices and been awash in a distressing visual palette.” Read full review.
8. Abduction
“All those abs and biceps and glutes and what-have-yous make [Taylor Lautner] look a little unnatural; like that Little Hercules kid that used to always be on Ripley’s Believe it or Not.” Read full review.
7. The Cup
“Director Simon Wincer is unable to convey this tale in a manner that would elevate it beyond the experience of reading the condensed, chronological series of events on Wikipedia.” Read full review.
6. Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy
“In short: it’s a little rapey.” Read full review.
5. In Time
“In Time is the cinematic equivalent of the stoned dude at the party who comes up with one barely interesting ‘what if’ scenario, then proceeds to nudge us repeatedly until we express to them the extent to which they have blown our mind.” Read full review.
” More like Snorewegian Wood, am I right? *High fives nobody*.” Read full review.
“Michael Bay and Tony Scott made love to the American flag, birthed a demon spawn and called it Battle Los Angeles.” Read full review.
“It does a disservice to almost everyone. Even Thatcher.” Read full review
“‘So, what developments in the field of Cinematic Badness does director Catherine Hardwicke pioneer in her new film?’ you ask. A scene of faux-lesbian, renaissance fair, bonfire grinding, anyone? How about two vacant-eyed male leads that will leave you pleading for the presence of charismatic-by-comparison thespians Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner? Or even a Simple Jack-style village idiot plonked into the middle of proceedings, left to mug his way into and out of every scene, just for the hell of it? Yep, Red Riding Hood went there. Red Riding Hood went there, bought a souvenir lute from the folk festival gift shop, and came all the way back.” Read full review.
Discuss: OK, what did we miss?
